Butterflies & Hurricanes

BROKE OPEN

2011-06-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

I made an unconventional piece for a printing class, I couldn't help it, it just came out. It was one of those projects where you don't know where you're going but it finds you. In the end, I discovered a lot more than I was expecting. There is beauty and power in facing ones fears, it's a blessing really.

If

2010-11-26T17:43:00.000-08:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

- Rudyard Kipling

A Found Treasure

2010-11-26T00:40:00.000-08:00

Last week a group of us from church went to an elderly woman’s home to help pack up her belongs to be sent off to Goodwill. This woman had lived in the same apartment for some 50 years and now she had to move into a small care facility because of health reasons.

Essentially, we were carrying all of the woman’s belongings to the curb for an early morning Goodwill pick-up. Her great-granddaughter made a point to let us know that if there was anything we wanted, to feel free to take it and so as we gathered things, I discovered a few treasures and kept them.

One of which was a beautiful delicate vintage lamp I pictured sitting on my desk, another an ornate tin can I planned on converting into a pinhole camera, a knitting book I thought a friend would appreciate and lastly, a book of inspirational verses.

As we were traveling up and down the elevator, transporting all of the woman’s belongings, of which I imagine she had gathered and accumulated over her lifetime of more than 90 years, I couldn’t help but be saddened at the thought of her life being placed on a street curb. It felt more natural that everything should have a home because these things she cared for, she was given them as gifts, she saw them in a boutique window and saved her money to buy, she used them to raise her family, they graced her home for many years and now they littered a dimly lit street curb on a quiet culdesac.

The following day, I was thumbing through the Inspirational Verse book and discovered in the front page a handwritten message. It reads:

In reading these words, I understood more about life than I had known the moment before. I’ve always been aware of the fact that we never take any of our belongings with us once we leave this earth but at that moment, I was reminded of all the things we do take.

The love and admiration between Jeda and Elick is a tender one and truly is everything one could want. I imagine when both Jeda and Elick come to the moment of departing from this life, all that matters to them will be safe in their hearts.

The love, the friendships, the kindness, the loving sacrifices, the faith and hopes in ones spirit, the bonds forged, the beautiful moments are forever intertwined within. And so maybe, when we do depart from this life, it's not that we take nothing with us but that we take everything with us.

A verse dedicated to Jeda from Elick:

Learning To Love You More #69

2010-10-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

Climb a tree and take a picture of the view.

Learning to Love You More #50

2010-08-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

Take a flash photo under your bed.

Home Sweet Home

2010-06-16T13:45:00.001-07:00

I'm visiting my family in Vegas this week. I always love coming home to my parents place... my mom is an impeccable housekeeper, she cooks amazing meals, breakfast to dinner and now days, we get along soooo much better then past years.

My father is always working on an exciting project, this time it happens to be his memoirs. He shared with me the first few chapters, it brought me to tears, happy ones, I can't wait to read it in its entirety. I'm spoiled and will gain 5 lbs while I'm here.

I sleep in my old room that is now under redesign, I don't recognize it as mine... I've been rummaging through my stuff packed away in the closest and drawers... the things one finds.

I went through my old photography stuff, images that I want so much to burn but am told, "don't you dare". Among my stuff, I found a picture my alternative photography teacher, Mr. Gomez, took of me a few years ago. I'd been hiding it away, tucked away with a number of other memories... I think I've been hiding away with them.

Recently, I've been finding myself wishing I had no possesions, wishing I had nothing holding me or reminding me of things long forgotten. I want to live off the things that stir within me now, the sounds around me, words spoken, a pretty color, music playing, limbs moving to the music, I want nothing and yet everything I suppose.

Just Passing Through

2010-06-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

An elderly man at work in his garden with denim overalls and hands resting upon his shovel, he is taking a break, admiring his progress. He turns to me and says hello, he then cautions me to watch my speed as he gestures to the speed limit sign of 25mph... I walking, assure him I will. He has kind eyes and a gentle way about him. As I continue on my way, I notice he then continues conversing with, most likely, the love of his life, she standing on the upstairs balcony looking over their backyard and upon this kind man and his garden. They together, in the early afternoon sun, he her Romeo and she his Juliet.

I soon come upon a small home with a small porch. A young girl, a teenager, sways on the patio bench swing. She looks peaceful, with dark hair and fair skin, her eyes drawn down and hands caressing her belly, she is somewhere far away that I cannot see. I think to myself, this is a precious moment, she facing a new chapter in her life and the life of this small child, safe in her belly. I wonder if worry or uncertainty runs through her mind and I want to tell her all is beautiful, all is well and she especially. I stroll on with her memory, vivid and sweet.

Soon enough, a big yellow school bus goes zooming pass me, down the long stretch of homes lining the old paved road. It is the last day of school and the beginning of summer. I begin to notice the crowd of young kids, on street corners, crossing at street lights, embracing their new long anticipated freedom. Their excitement is obvious and contagious, to be young again. Seeing them causes me to recall the moments of my youth when the world and it's possibilities were endless. I can so easily taste of their excitement.

Across the street I see a young girl and boy, hand in hand, in love, I'm sure with thoughts of splendor and kisses. Young love, special in it's own right. Love without much thought and experience, naive and temperamental but oh so wonderful in a young persons heart and stomach, it'll never be like this again. She likes his taste in music and he likes how she does her hair, they're inseparable, trying to figure this strange world they walk in together. They'll probably break up in the next few months if not weeks but they'll remember each other an entire lifetime, with sweetness and an enduring innocence. Before expectations, judgements and monumental decisions, two young persons embrace each other for what they swear could be forever.

Coming up on Wendy's, with splattered frosty's melting on hot pavement and kids uproars of laughter and dyed hair of wild colors, they fill their bellies. The lyrics 'Schools Out for Summer, Schools Out Forever' rambles on in my mind. With 2010 yearbooks in hand and signed t-shirts on their backs, this scene has graced these same streets many summers before them and will for many summers after but to them, they're the first, they're the center, center of the universe. They wave to random passing cars with a brave giddiness, their way of perhaps connecting to a bigger unknown and yet to be explored part of the world. Soon enough, they'll be jaded by their world but for now, their spirits roam freely and bring with them, my memories of my time at the center of the universe. Inside, I thank them.

I walk, I drive, I cry, I laugh, I sing, I eat, I run, I pray, I sleep, I dream, I see, I amidst a great big world and in these small moments am laced and forever intertwined with those who I unanimously walk along side. They share with me their heartbreaks and joys, their monumental moments and moments of quiet. Their memory is impressed in my mind and are now apart of me.

This thing we call life is truly perfect in all things, particularly in those things that are seemingly imperfect. During the course of my journey I am approaching, going through or passing the moments someone once walked and as I do, I share in it with those whom I quietly walk beside. I am more alike than different with my strangers, we secretly know one another.

Learning to Love You More # 53

2009-09-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

Give advice to yourself in the past.

(age 10) - don't push Jere down the stairs on his Ninja Turtles bean-bag chair, he'll never forgive you.

(age 15) - be warned when you watch Romeo and Juliet for the first time, love will be unobtainable in your eyes hence forth and needn't be tragic to be real.

visit your Grandmother before you leave for Germany, you won't see her again before she passes away.

pay no mind to the people who comment on your day dreaming and quiet nature, this behaviour will be a great source of inspiration for you.

(age 16) - don't make your mom cry... ever, you'll feel terrible about it for years to come.

don't be discouraged your first day of soccer try-outs, return the next day and give it your all, you love how you feel when you're on the soccer field.

don't come home from school and cry in the bathroom everyday, you're beautiful.

(age 17) - don't kiss Christopher on his 18th birthday, will lead to over 10 years of great confusion.

(age 19) - don't move to Las Vegas, will be 8 years of heartache and unbearable heat.

(age 23) - be a better example for your younger brother Jere, you'll feel guilty for his mistakes in the future.

(age 24) - don't leave the ky jelly on the kitchen table, will lead to extreme embarrassment.

(age 25) - don't kiss Thomas, he's married and completely unavailable.

(age 26) - don't eat at the asian fusion restaurant in London with Toni, you'll get the worst food poisoning ever.

(age 27) - after your break-up, don't move back to America immediatley but instead, move to the Shakespeare and Company bookstore, write your children's book and make a life for yourself in Paris.

do realize you can and will love again.

(age 28) - be you, mistakes and all.

Learning to Love You More #59

2009-08-13T20:22:00.000-07:00

Interview someone who has experienced war.

"James Ruffer, father and fighter pilot of the Vietnam War"

me: Why did you decide to join the service?

James Ruffer: We had a war, Vietnam. I had been in college when the war started, the fighting started and I was patriotic and wanted to help the cause. I believed that if we didn’t stop communism in Vietnam and south East Asia that it’d spread to the Philippines and other places in that area just like we had the problem in Eastern Europe and with North Vietnam invading South Vietnam, so on. Pretty much believed that communism was out to do just what it said it was going to do and that was “bury us” and so that’s why I signed up.

me: Can you tell me a brief timeline of your years in the military?

James Ruffer: Well, I was born in the military. My dad was in the military, we were in a war when I was born. I lived through the rest of the Second World War and then the Korean War and then the Vietnam War started and so I joined up in 66’ and except for medical school I was back in the service again by 79’ and stayed in until I retired in 95’. So it’s like a 30 year period of military service with the exception of medical school but I don’t think I ever really left the military at any time in my life. I was fighting the Japanese and the Germans as a little boy and the North Koreans and there’s always a great alarm in America. There’s always great alarm, concern for the world and for the sake of freedom.

me: What was one experience you remember from war?

James Ruffer: Well, I remember leaving my wife and three little girls. I was looking forward to going over, flying Marine Corps fighter bombers, supporting the troops, close air support and interdiction and whatever else we were asked to do. So training was exciting and we were all military men and there was no conflict of interest, we were simply all in it together.

Didn’t really know much about… didn’t pay to much attention to what was going on in society, so I missed that era of the hippies and the anti-war on college campuses but when I left in August of 69’ my best friend had just preceded me over and he was an Aviator also and before I even left he had been killed. And so when I left my wife and 3 little girls I was aware of the fact that some people weren’t going to come home, you know. And that was, that was tugging on me pretty heavily in kind of a hidden part of my awareness or in my heart, maybe in the pit of my stomach sort of a, kind of a sadness that this could be it.

On the other hand I was motivated to go and do what I was trained to do. I wanted to be a veteran of combat too, that was something I think that meant a lot to all of us was to have actually been there and done it. We were willing to take the chance that we would not come back just so that we could get into it, not to mention the patriotic and the fact that the cause was a just American cause and so that was my first sad or hard experience was leaving my family and all the time it took me to get from home to Vietnam it weighed heavy on me, you know, but I was going to miss them and possibly wouldn’t be able to get back to see them and loosing my good friend, my best friend also, you know.

Once I started flying missions, it was exciting and there wasn’t a lot of fear. It was being part of the team and doing my job and doing it as well as I could seemed to take the place of outright fear or endless worries about what if, what if.

I had a sad experience flying a mission out of, as we said, out of country in I think Laos one day, dropping on a bridge and I missed the bridge. The air craft controller who was an individual up there in another aircraft spotting the target and I had just done it poorly, even to my own standards and to his. I could tell he was frustrated with me because he was risking his life to try to get me to do something important in terms of the mission and it really hurt a lot. I realized that he was performing the same mission that my best friend had been performing when he died. I related the two that, you know, Ronald "Ron" Hamilton had died doing this kind of mission, could it have been because of somebody working with him that had done a poor job like I had just done. That he had risked himself for nothing so, that has always bothered me, it uh, it wasn’t uh near death experience, it wasn’t being, you know, blown up, it was just disappointing myself and somebody else in a situation where lives were at risk, sort of like I didn’t show up, you know, or I didn’t show up ready to fight and so that was, sadness.

Learning to Love You More

2009-08-13T19:11:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered a treasure of an artist, an artist who I dare say, is one of the great artists of our time, an artist creating works that are meaningful and powerful, I'm not even quite sure what kind of art she creates... like it's technical name but maybe it's very well because it's certainly heart felt. Her name, Miranda July.

I happened upon her project titled, "Learning to Love You More" in which she had an open invite to any and all people that wished to contribute to her creative assigments. Over the course of 9 years, thousands of entries were submitted from people across the globe and from all walks of life.

I think the beauty of her project "Learning to Love You More" not only helps one to discover something special and hidden within oneself but sharing and discovering the world with others, there lay the treasure. Viewing over the submitted assignments I can't tell you how often I ended in tears, not sad tears but happy ones, feeling the world growing smaller and feeling not so much of a stranger but as a kindred friend to many... realizing how similar our hearts beat.

I was somewhat disheartened when I realized the project had run it's course and was no longer accepting entries but then decided, why not accomplish all 70 assignments regardless... a personal journey of some kind. Brilliant!

And so I begin this journey, selecting assignments to explore, experience and hopefully grow from. I encourage anybody reading this entry to do the same, I'd love to share assigment entries with you.

Her website is www.mirandajuly.com, a password is needed but rest assure, the secret already exists within.

Man On Wire

2009-07-15T18:49:00.000-07:00

The best films have to be about the human experience, the human spirit and Man On Wire is just that, a beautiful film.

Life should be lived on the edge,
see everyday as a true challenge
and then you live your life on the tightrope.

- Philippe Petit

Rudolf Nureyev

2009-04-23T20:38:00.000-07:00

My last visit to the library, I walked away with a biography of the Russian ballet dancer, Rudolf Nureyev. Having only read a few chapters so far, all I can say is... Passion.

I'm convinced, if people are laughing while you follow your dream, it's a good sign, ask all the greats.

Fantasia Clair de Lune

2009-03-19T13:15:00.000-07:00

What the World Needs Now

2009-03-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

Just read this article and this is exactly what our world desperately needs. What a brilliant example and standard this man has set, coming together rather than dividing, this is how Zion is built.

It was the kind of meeting that is taking place in restaurant kitchens, small offices, retail storerooms, and large auditoriums all over this city, all over this state, all over this country.

Paul Levy, the guy who runs Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, was standing in Sherman Auditorium the other day, before some of the very people to whom he might soon be sending pink slips.

In the days before the meeting, Levy had been walking around the hospital, noticing little things.

He stood at the nurses' stations, watching the transporters, the people who push the patients around in wheelchairs. He saw them talk to the patients, put them at ease, make them laugh. He saw that the people who push the wheelchairs were practicing medicine.

He noticed the same when he poked his head into the rooms and watched as the people who deliver the food chatted up the patients and their families.

He watched the people who polish the corridors, who strip the sheets, who empty the trash cans, and he realized that a lot of them are immigrants, many of them had second jobs, most of them were just scraping by.

And so Paul Levy had all this bouncing around his brain the other day when he stood in Sherman Auditorium.

He looked out into a sea of people and recognized faces: technicians, secretaries, administrators, therapists, nurses, the people who are the heart and soul of any hospital. People who knew that Beth Israel had hired about a quarter of its 8,000 staff over the last six years and that the chances that they could all keep their jobs and benefits in an economy in freefall ranged between slim and none.

"I want to run an idea by you that I think is important, and I'd like to get your reaction to it," Levy began. "I'd like to do what we can to protect the lower-wage earners - the transporters, the housekeepers, the food service people. A lot of these people work really hard, and I don't want to put an additional burden on them.

"Now, if we protect these workers, it means the rest of us will have to make a bigger sacrifice," he continued. "It means that others will have to give up more of their salary or benefits."

He had barely gotten the words out of his mouth when Sherman Auditorium erupted in applause. Thunderous, heartfelt, sustained applause.

Paul Levy stood there and felt the sheer power of it all rush over him, like a wave. His eyes welled and his throat tightened so much that he didn't think he could go on.

When the applause subsided, he did go on, telling the workers at Beth Israel, the people who make a hospital go, that he wanted their ideas.

The lump had barely left his throat when Paul Levy started getting e-mails.

The consensus was that the workers don't want anyone to get laid off and are willing to give up pay and benefits to make sure no one does. A nurse said her floor voted unanimously to forgo a 3 percent raise. A guy in finance who got laid off from his last job at a hospital in Rhode Island suggested working one less day a week. Another nurse said she was willing to give up some vacation and sick time. A respiratory therapist suggested eliminating bonuses.

"I'm getting about a hundred messages per hour," Levy said yesterday, shaking his head.

Paul Levy is onto something. People are worried about the next paycheck, because they're only a few paychecks away from not being able to pay the mortgage or the rent.

But a lot of them realize that everybody's in the same boat and that their boat doesn't rise because someone else's sinks.

Paul Levy is trying something revolutionary, radical, maybe even impossible: He is trying to convince the people who work for him that the E in CEO can sometimes stand for empathy.

- Kevin Cullen, Globe columnist cullen@globe.com

a camera with no name

2009-03-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

Stopped by Deseret Industries this past week, hoping to find something special, and behold, in their secured glass display case was percisely what I was hoping for, what appeared to be a 35mm holga like camera for 4 bucks. I was so excited. It's pretty basic, no focusing, 4 apertures 6, 8, 11, 16 and a hot shoe for a flash. Here's a self-portrait from the very first roll of film I shot on my new no name camera.

Then I thought to take my chances in the record department. I've been wanting a copy of Madame Butterfly and again, I struck gold, a gorgeous instrumental recording for 25 cents. I've been listening to it pretty much non-stop the past few days. The following piece is Un bel di vedremo. About 3.5 minutes in and you'll feel it, makes your heart sink in and explode at the same time.

Once

2009-03-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

One of the great things about low budget films is, they feel true. When I watched Once for the first time, nothing about it felt contrived or even created, it had all the vunerability we humans have. This video montage is b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.

Iconoclasts

2009-03-05T10:13:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite shows to watch is Sundance's Iconoclasts. It's a real pleasure to see a bit into the worlds of people I admire and respect, their philosophies, hopes, the things they hold close.

I love what Eddie Vedder said about music and it's affect on the passage of time, I think we all can attest to this, it's what makes music as amazing at is.

Marianne

2009-03-04T18:45:00.000-08:00

"What is it that you think about, Sleeping Beauty, as you ride along the country lanes on that skinny mare of yours? And not so much of a beauty either, come to think of it. Too skinny, too pale, too dull. Not a glimmer of sparkle in those big dark eyes. Still, I do wonder, when you're riding past the hedges, little dreaming you are watched, I wonder what exactly it is you go out for. What sort of things are going through your mind? You look straight ahead, far into the distance and I wonder, do your thoughts travel that far too, or do they stay close to home, wrapped up in yourself?"

"So ran the silent thoughts of Pierre Andre as he watched Marianne Chevreuse slow her horse to a walking pace. Passing under the walnut trees and reaching the river, horse and rider broke into a trot and, at a bend near some boulders, disappeared out of sight."

Read the book Marianne while riding the bus across town today, could not attempt to write words deserving and so I leave it to Flaubert who wrote these words to George Sand -

"Thank you from the bottom of my heart, chere maitre. Thanks to you I have just spent the most exquisite day. Marianne moved me deeply and two or three times I found myself weeping. I saw a lot of myself in Pierre and some pages could have been excerpts from my own memoirs if I had talent enough to write like that. It's so charming and poetic and true. You see how happy you have made me? But then you've never done me anything but good and I love you most tenderly..."

I came upon George while watching the movie Children of the Century. I adored hearing the words shared between two lovers, particularly being the beautiful authors George Sand and Alfred de Musset.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

I watched Slumdog Millionaire today. I'd been admiring it's movie trailers and was so anxious to share what seemed a brilliant movie with someone very special to me, my father. As the opening credits appeared I had a sudden moment of panic, it occured to me there was a likely possibility that my dad wouldn't like it.

It's a running joke in our family, of dad walking out on movies, it's a joke only cause it's true with the likes of films such as James Bond, Memoirs of a Geisha and Shrek of all movies, yeah, he can be a tuff crowd!

I was totally bracing myself, anticipating the moment my dad would excuse himself, deciding whether I would follow suit or finish watching the film I originally was so excited to watch. I was trying to read his body language in reaction to the story unfolding, the music, the colors, the characters and then suddenly, the moment came when he crossed his arms, I was thinking to myself, what does that mean? Does that mean he disapproves, he's bored, he's just easing into his chair... I couldn't tell!

Finally, he leans over to tell me something, here it is, I'd prepared myself so there could be no surprises... and he says, "D." Hallelujah! It was a triumph indeed, my father's 3 year stint from the movie scene broken by the beautiful ingenuity of Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire.

At that moment, I knew we were home free and I could indulge in a story so worthy and so entirely needed, I couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised. It was a wonderful film to have shared with my dad and a triumphant milestone for him as well. And so take it from the most critical of all movie critics... Slumdog Millionaire is a must see!!! Love you Dad!

Waterloo Bridge

2008-11-19T18:54:00.000-08:00

I am so delighted to find that youtube has the complete movie of Waterloo Bridge available to watch, cleverly done in 11 segments. I caught the end of the film a few weeks ago and was hoping to have the opportunity to see it in it's entirety.

Waterloo Bridge was filmed in 1940 with the beautiful Vivien Leigh and equally handsome Robert Taylor, both of which consider the film to be a personal favorite of theirs, which says a lot. It's a beautiful love story that begins at the start of World War I and ending at the start of World War II.

Hope you might appreciate it's beauty, with it's Academy Award Nominated music and cinematography, take a peek or watch the whole thing, either way I think you'll enjoy.

1/11

2/11

3/11

4/11

5/11

6/11

7/11

8/11

9/11

10/11

11/11

Dans Paris

2008-11-17T20:48:00.000-08:00

"Rain makes flowers grow and snails happy. That's a fact" - Paul

He:

Did you know my darling

The most brilliant loves tarnish

The day's dirty sun in the day

Subjects them to torment

I have an irrefutable idea

To avoid the unbearable

Before the hatred, before the blows

Of hissing or lashing

Before the sorrow and the disgust

Let's break up now, please

She:

No, I kiss you and it passes

You can see

You can't brush me off like that

You thought you'd be able to

By leaving me hanging

From the mighty love which must die

But you see I prefer

The inescapable storms

To your measly idea

Before the hatred, before the blows

Of hissing or lashing

Before the sorrow and the disgust

Let's break up now, you say

He:

But you kiss me and it passes

I can see

You're not brushed off like that

He:

I can't avoid you at the worst

She:

But the best is yet to come

Together:

Before the hatred, before the blows

Of hissing or lashing

Before the sorrow and the disgust

He:

Let's break up now please

She:

No, I kiss you and it passes

You can see

Together:

Before the hatred, before the blows

Of hissing or lashing

Before the sorrow and the disgust

She:

Let's break up now, you say

He:

But you kiss me and it passes

I can see

You're not brushed off like that

She:

You can't brush me off like that

My Waterloo Sunset

2008-10-20T13:42:00.001-07:00

How does someone successfully cover an already great song? I don't have a definite full proof answer or mathematical equation to guarantee success but I do think there is one very important rule to follow by, don't attempt to duplicate but do add a personal touch.

Probably the best example to illustrate this is The Sex Pistols rendition of Frank Sinatra's "My Way",it's a classic. Some may find their version obscenely offensive, horrifying even, others entertained and amused but one thing is for sure, there's no denying, they did it their way.

There is something uniquely beautiful about walking out of step, not for the sole purpose of not conforming but because you feel something different. There's those who follow in step, there's those who intentionally walk out of step, then there's those who simply, as they say, march to the beat of their own drum. It's the latter who intrigue me and unequivocally, simply can't go wrong.

My playlist is inspired by a current favorite song I've been playing to death... Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks, alternative version by Elliott Smith (track 11). I love it's simple tune and equally simple story, makes for the best kind of song. It tells the story of one the sweetest things, being happy from seeing the happiness of others, a waterloo sunset.

1 Complainte de la Butte - Rufus Wainwright

original Marcel Mouloudji

2 Inside + Out - Feist original The Bee Gees

3 Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm original Michael Jackson

4 If I Fell - Jason Castro original The Beatles

5 Can't Take My Eyes Off of You - Muse

original Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons

6 Bizzare Love Triangle - Frente original New Order

7 Hey Ya - Obadiah Parker original OutKast

8 Across the Universe - Fiona Apple original The Beatles

9 Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley original Leonard Cohen

10 Band on the Run - Foo Fighters original Wings

11 Waterloo Sunset - Elliott Smith original The Kinks

12 Love of My Life - Scorpions original Queen

13 Cry Baby - Janis Joplin

original Garnet Mimms ft The Enchanters

14 A Whiter Shade of Pale - Annie Lennox

original Procol Harum

15 Fields of Gold - Eva Cassidy original Sting

16 Golden Slumbers - Ben Folds original The Beatles

17 Starman - of Montreal original David Bowie

18 Angie - Tori Amos original The Rolling Stones

19 Don't Let Me Down - Stereophonics original The Beatles

20 Lady Stardust - Seu Jorge original Davis Bowie

21 You belong to Me - Patsy Cline original Chilton Price

22 My Way - The Sex Pistols original Frank Sinatra

Love at First Sight...

2008-10-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

I have fallen in Love! This morning my life was a simple life, enjoying hot chocolate and breakfast burrito at a Starbucks with Ruth, discussing books and thoughts, anticipating a great read, Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain, when the most beautiful, strong, precious thing walked into my life.

The sky was clear and sunshine abundant, my thoughts of the future were clear. I imagined my life, living on a secluded, peaceful, piece of property near Jalama Bay, with acres of sprawling land and a little white house with breezy windows. I'd play the piano while he napped nearby, life could be so beautiful together.

Here's a picture we snapped, now I know he already has an owner who I'm sure adores and loves him (rightly so) but one just like him would be Awesome!

He's an English Mastiff, they're ginormous!! You can't really tell from the photo because you have nothing to compare him to but I've done some research and they typically weigh in around 169-250lbs+ In the Guiness Book of World Records, the heaviest dog in the world is an English Mastiff named Zorba weighing 343lbs. The greatest part is, with their great size and brute strength, they're really the gentlest of dogs, described as calm and affectionate, loyal and well-mannered, I want one!

And so, the day I have adequate space and money to feed such an adorably beasty animal, I'm getting me one of these. Here's to you.

My Fatburger Days

2008-10-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a long morning in the darkroom, I need to see the light of day and put some good solid food in my belly, what do I do, I head over to the Fatburger just down the street on West Charleston. I arrive and there are all of 2, maybe 3 customers sitting in the usual seats, eating in silence.

I order a fatburger with homemade onion rings (ranch on the side) and a real ice cream shake, Oreo if they have it. I take what money I have left and walk myself over to the beloved jukebox at which point I'm all giddy, excited to see what songs I'll choose to share with my fellow patrons.

Oh the days of my regular Fatburger visits. There were some days when everyone seemed to appreciate my selection, tapping their feet, sometimes even singing along, that's a great feeling... then there were times when my song choice must of disagreed with my fellow Fatburgians because you could hear someone say something like, "Who picked this song"? I admit I wasn't like raising my hand, dancing on the tables when this happened, usually at this point I just had to enjoy on my own, hamburger in hand, quietly singing to myself.

During my visits to Fatburger, my most favorite thing has to be that strangers alike are brought together for a short time, enjoying some of life's simple pleasures and in that moment the world seems a little smaller, a little more friendly, realizing each individual tapping their foot to the very same song has their very own story.

The following is a music mix of songs I've played at Fatburger at one time or another... I've always wanted to dance to track 16, on those days when I'm sitting there, just me and my satisfied belly, streets with passing cars, customers coming and going, ... I'll daydream about it.

1 Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

2 Try a Little Tenderness - Otis Redding

3 Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley

4 Don't Stop Believin' - Journey

5 Beyond the Sea - Bobby Darin

6 Crazy - Patsy Cline

7 Underpressure - Queen & David Bowie

8 Happy Together - The Turtles

9 Vehicle - Ides of March

10 Eternal Flame - The Bangles

11 Band of Gold - Freda Payne

12 With or Without You - U2

13 Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics

14 Piano Man - Billy Joel

15 Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knight & The Pips

16 Dannys Song - Anne Murray

17 Let's Stay Together - Al Green

18 Crazy - Aerosmith

19 I Want You Back - Jackson 5

20 More Than Words - Extreme

21 The Joker - Steve Miller Band

22 Blue Skies - Willie Nelson

Cruising the Pacific Coast Highway

2008-10-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think I should have grown-up during the 60s and 70s... missed it by more than a decade. Something about it's musical vibes call to me, beckoning me to wallow in it's coolness, gets me every time.

My first car was a 1970's 2 door hatchback, golden AMC Pacer with roomy leather interior, designed for aerodynamics and high visibility, I loved this car! Aside from it's unpredictable stalling episodes and broken gas gauge that left me always wondering, how much farther can I go? It was a classic.

In more recent years, I have traveled up and down California's Pacific Coast Highway, listening to the Zep and music alike, reliving an era I never lived in the first place but imagine with a distinct familiarity. With windows down, ocean by my side, sunshines warmth and blue skies above, I'm transported to a place where my spirit feels free. These are quite the awesome moments for me.

A music playlist in memory of

a time I never saw but enjoy none the less.

1 Going to California - Led Zeppelin

2 America - Simon and Garfunkel

3 Hotel California - The Eagles

4 Sister Golden Hair - America

5 Reflections of My Life - Marmalade

6 Kodachrome - Paul Simon

7 Operator - Jim Croce

8 Smile a Little Smile for Me - The Flying Machine

9 Moonlight Mile - The Rolling Stones

10 It Never Rains in California - Albert Hammond

11 You Belong to Me - Bob Dylan

12 Leaving On a Jet Plane - Peter Paul & Mary

13 Anticipation - Carly Simon

14 Beth - Kiss

15 The Air that I Breathe - The Hollies

16 Summer Breeze - Seals & Croft

17 Everything I Own - Bread

18 Ziggy Stardust - Davis Bowie

19 The Weight - The Band

20 Peace Train - Cat Stevens

21 Forever - The Beach Boys

22 Go Where You Wanna Go - The Mamas & Papas

The Little Sparrow

2008-10-02T18:32:00.000-07:00

Hear the voice and song of Edith Piaf and know the sound of a sparrow's heart. While living in London I had a french neighbor who adored a remarkable woman and her music. The raw sound of vinyl escaping his windows, he could be found blasting her beautiful ballads at all hours of the day, morning, mid-day, or midnight... they were special occasions because I have come to love her too. Listen and you'll know everything there is to know about this beautiful, songbird.

I've included the English translation of

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien because of it's valiant and

adamant message. The melody persistent, strong,

enduring, Edith sings with no hesitation, no apologies,

she's the read deal.

No Regrets.

Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good that I've done nor the bad
All this is much the same to me!

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing...
It is paid, swept away, forgotten
I don't care about the past!

With my souvenirs
I lit a fire
My sorrows, my pleasures
I need them no more!

Swept away the love affairs
With their tremors
Swept away forever
I leave with nothing ...

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing
Neither the good that I've done nor the bad
All this is much the same to me!

No! Absolutely nothing...
No! I regret nothing...
Because my life, because my joys
Today that begins with you!

Should you have the opportunity, there was a recent film

made about the life and music of Edith Piaf called

La Vie En Rose that's well worth watching.

French actress, Marion Cotillard,

does a spectacular job portraying the remarkable

Piaf and would go on to win a

Best Actress Academy Award for the part.

WAR DANCE

2008-09-30T01:01:00.000-07:00

I first saw the trailer for WAR DANCE months ago on the Sundance Channel and couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Thank goodness for Netflixs, I had the pleasure of watching it this evening. It's an absolute must see, not only does it open your eyes and heart but also to the music within. During the movie I can't count how many times I caught myself bobbing my head to the beat and smiling, it's fantastic.

The film is a documentary, filmed in the remote northern refugee camp of Patongo. The film centers around 3 children from the Acholi tribe, Nancy 14 years old, Rose 13 years old and Dominic 14 years old, all of which are participating with their school in Uganda's Annual National Music Competition in Kampala in which all 20,000 schools of Uganda compete to represent their tribe.

Throughout the course of the film you come to learn of their lives, families separated, growing up in a war zone, prisoners in their own country. Dominic, a delightful and beautiful young boy who dreams of traveling the world playing music, said "it's difficult for people to believe our story but if we don't tell you, you won't know."

It's amazing the power and hope music can bring. I so loved the scenes when the children are performing and you've seen a glimpse of their story, the pain, the fear, the loss and yet, in these moments when the music is alive and well, their faces are as bright as any star in the sky. They all express the similar thought that music has the ability to make everything become great, they say even war can't take it away.

I've been inspired by their story and impressed by the humble sanctuary they've found. How brilliant their young hearts are, brave and hopeful in music's dance.

The Diving Bell & The Butterfly

2008-09-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

A truly superb film, The Diving Bell & The Butterfly is based on the true-life story of French Elle magazine editor-in-chief, Jean-Dominique Bauby who, after suffering a massive stroke resulting in Locked-In Syndrome, dictates his memoir Le scaphandre et le papillon with the use of blinking his one eyelid.

The 2007 film, directed by painter and filmmaker Julian Schnabel, written by Ronald Harwood and starring Mathieu Amalric was nominated for 4 Academy Awards.

I watched The Diving Bell & The Butterfly with my sister Ruth and completely fell in love. The beautiful imagery complete with an equally thoughtful soundtrack perfectly illustrates a man finding meaning in the most unlikely of circumstances, with memory and imagination.

Director Julian Schnabel said, "Painting is like breathing to me. It's what I do all the time. Everyday I make art, whether it is painting, writing or making a movie." Schnabel holds true to his word, The Diving Bell & The Butterfly lends itself perfectly to Jean-Dominique Bauby's memoir of escaping what seems to be inevitable restrictions with a beautiful freedom.

I couldn't resist, along with the trailer I had to include one of my favorite scenes from the film. The gorgeous music accompanying this scene is Bach's Concerto for Piano in F Minor, BMV 1056 - Largo. Enjoy a perfect marriage of writing, directing, cinematography, Life.

Jean-Dominique Bauby died March 16, 1997, 10 days after his autobiography Le scaphandre et le papillon was published.

Dedicated to the One I Love

2008-09-26T19:59:00.001-07:00

While Im far away from you my baby

I know its hard for you my baby
Because its hard for me my baby
And the darkest hour is just before dawn

Each night before you go to bed my baby
Whisper a little prayer for me my baby
And tell all the stars above
This is dedicated to the one I love...

- The Mamas & The Papas

1 Dedicated to the One I Love - The Mamas & The Papas

2 So Sorry - Feist

3 Carmensita - Devendra Banhart

4 Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk - Rufus Wainwright

5 Hold You In My Arms - Ray Lamontagne

6 How Can I Tell You - Cat Power

7 Better Together - Jack Johnson

8 Secret Heart - Feist

9 E Isso Ai - Seu Jorge & Ana Carolina

10 Oh, It Is Love - HelloGoodbye

11 The Luckiest - Ben Folds

12 Follow - Brandi Carlile

13 Fidelity - Regina Spektor

14 Where Do You Go To My Lovely - Peter Sarstedt

15 Good Friday - CocoRosie

16 Chasing Pavements - Adele

17 Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros

18 I Love You (Me Either) - Cat Power & Karen Elson

19 Letter Read - Rachael Yamagata

20 I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

21 Starlight - Muse

22 I'll Find a Way - Rachael Yamagata